MENTORSHIP RECIPIENT

Mentorship Recipient:
"Dividing by Percentages"

Mentor Commentary:
Matt Weinkam

On the Revision Process for "Dividing by Percentages"

by ​​Brandon Noel

Prose is hard for me. Even writing this reflection took a fair amount of self-determination. That being the case, I tend to feel fairly insecure or unsure of the small number of prose pieces that I have in my archive, and I’ve sent out an even smaller number of pieces for possible publication. Needless to say, I didn’t submit to Gordon Square Review even expecting to earn a place in their issue, and I was greatly enthusiastic about it, as well as the piece Matt chose “Dividing By Percentages”. When he offered the prose editorial mentorship, I wasn’t too worried about it, because I knew the piece likely needed some work, because of the way it came into being.

This piece began its life as a journal entry of an experience I had while at work one day. I had a conversation with my floor foreman, and something inside that short exchange turned into a fantasy or a reverie about my family that had me emotionally crippled throughout the day. Things will change, but I am so deeply happy with the way things are, the age my children are, all the small details of their lives and persons, that I wish I could keep them just like this. 

I turned it into a very long verse-form poem, the style that I am most used to operating under. However, after a friend read it, they suggested it might flow and be better served as a piece of CNF/prose. The draft that Matt first read and sent me some notes on, wasn’t too different from that initial transformation, so I figured it was likely stunted in places and short in its descriptions. I was eager to see what edits and suggestions he had, in order to make the piece really come together for me, in my mind, and on the page – to become a piece of solid prose work.

His first notes were mostly very encouraging of the themes and tone, but he had picked out two things that I feel really elevated the work. The first was really a throwaway detail I had included in the beginning, that served to set the scene: A mention of the Roman god Janus. I hadn’t intended to make it a recurring element, but Matt saw how it could tie the whole story together, and I think it was perfect. The second thing was lengthening the detailed description of the setting the story begins in, which is the factory where I work. I mention the factory in so many of my poems, I almost get afraid to talk about it anymore, but it was right to do so here. 

At the end of the piece, I chose not to take one of his suggestions, concerning the last line “Because I’m shit for math and she knows I am.” It’s a silly line. It ends in such a terse way. It feels like it should go on, in some ways. I had no real defense for not wanting to change it, other than some whimsical part of myself loves it. I wasn’t sure how Matt would respond, because I enjoyed our back-and-forth, I didn’t want to offend him by refusing the suggestion. But Matt was so gracious and was completely understanding how I was attached to the line. I had a great experience and would love to work with Matt and GSR again in the future.

Brandon Noel
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Brandon Noel (he/him) lives and works as a machinist in Warren, Ohio. Brandon turned 33 last December and has two daughters, ages 11 and 5, whom he raises with their mother. Most of his writing is done on breaks and brief moments of down time in the factory, and then patched together later as poems. He facilitates an open local writers group called “The Makeshift Poets” that meets monthly at Havana House in Niles, Ohio. He has published two poetry collections: 
Mongrel (2015) and Infinite Halves (2017). His poems have been featured in Door-Is-A-Jar, Kissing Dynamite, and Youngstown State University's Jenny.