MENTORSHIP RECIPIENT

Mentor Commentary:
Jeanette Beebe

Recipient Reflection: 
Cam McGlynn

On the Revision Process for "Postpartum Depression"

by Cam McGlynn

“Postpartum Depression” was inspired by one of Katie Dozier’s prompts from the Rattlecast. She told me it was excellent, but I could sense that there was something not quite working at the end. My critique group also mentioned that they loved the poem, but quickly zeroed in on the few lines near the end that they thought needed revision. I was excited that Jeanette offered me the editorial mentorship, because I thought that with her help, I could finally pinpoint and fix the issue. 

And I was right, Jeanette identified the same spot that wasn’t working. I fixed the little issues here and there earlier in the poem. She helped me play a little looser with the end rhythms to make the images better. I changed some words to make the central metaphor stronger. But when Jeanette pointed out the problem she had with the end, with some suggestions of directions I could take, I began to regret accepting this mentorship. None of the changes I tried rang true. I use poetry and metaphor when ordinary words can’t capture the experience. But that means that I couldn’t articulate what emotion I wanted the poem to end on or identify why I couldn’t stick the landing. I agonized over telling Jeanette that I was sorry, but I couldn’t revise this poem and would have to withdraw. Finally, I sat down with my husband and talked it all over. Together we were able to drill down to the emotion I was trying to end on: not relief, but grief. The speaker of the poem didn't escape the rip tide. She was rejected. Even by something as awful as a rip tide, that can still feel like grief. She's having to sit with the realization that anthropomorphizing her depression, thinking that it had intentions and agency, and viewing it as something separate from herself rather than a facet of herself is what almost drowned her. Once I was able to articulate that, I figured out that the problem wasn’t the end itself, but the couplet before the end. I revised the poem and Jeanette agreed that the poem was much stronger now.

I’m so grateful to Jeanette, Gordon Square Review, and Literary Cleveland for this editorial mentorship, because I don’t think I would’ve been able to improve my poem without it. If it was up to me, I would’ve continued to shy away from these necessary revisions and wouldn't have been able to dig down to the core emotion I was aiming for. It was tougher than I thought it would be, but I’m confident that this poem is the better for it. I also appreciate the conversations and advice Jeanette gave me on other aspects of the writing life, from chapbooks to personal statements to writer’s block. I’m feeling confident and excited about continuing my practice of poetry. 

Cam McGlynn

Cam McGlynn is a writer and scientific researcher living outside of Frederick, Maryland. Ever since she was trapped in a deflating moonbounce as a child, she's been deeply suspicious of street fairs. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Whale Road Review, Rattle (online), Wildscape, The Shore, and ONE ART, among others. You can find her at pinkpossumclub.bsky.social.